LANARK LANIMER DAY
An ancient celebration held within the Royal Burgh of Lanark on the Thursday between the Sixth and Twelfth days of June annually since the year 1140.
 

How To Spot A Lanimer Family

by Hannah McConnell - A Lanimer Bairn

The Mammies

After every possible book you have read/experience you have had/movie you have seen, a musing of "That might work ..." is heard from the woman in the corner, hiding behind the old Lanimer brochures.

Your baby clothes and photos of you wearing them and looking ridiculous are kept and shown to 'the Girls' just in case the designs and patterns come in handy.

Instead of buying real flowers, plastic substitutes are brought home and planted (crepe flowers are NOT an option anymore).

When out with the kids, they make sure that they are walking in rows, holding hands to keep together and BIG SMILES!

It is impossible to open their bedroom door; either tactics are being discussed by 'The Girls' or there's too much jumble just waiting to be sold.

They have a million and one hats, fit for 'any' occasion and are never seen in an outfit more than once. However, the old outfits are kept just in case they come in handy ...

The Daddies

They don't drive cars, they drive tractors.

Why take a briefcase to work when a toolbox will suffice, and has everything in it to combat any solution?

There are no trees next to the plastic flowers in the garden - they've all been felled to make the beginnings of a lovely lorry.

They all ride horses too, just in case that somehow comes in handy ...

Believe at Lanimers "You can never go too far" ... therefore banned from most pubs/churches.

The Bairns

In the pouring rain they shall be spotted wearing not a raincoat, but a clear plastic bag.

Walk with a stoop due to the number of times they've been shoved in small spaces to fix on things with super strength glue.

It appears they have webbed fingers, but they're actually stuck together with super strength glue (thank you Mum ...).

Their toys are homemade and judged on colour, originality and how they look moving down the Wellgate (presumably after being thrown out of the pram in a fit of artistic frustration).

This applies to clothing too.

Those aren't spots, its prick marks from where pins have been accidentally stuck into them during clothing fittings.

All are able to move with the utmost grace in tights, silly dresses and difficult shoes (even the girls).

The Doggies and Moggies

From the period of May through June suffer from malnutrition and can't remember what their owners look like because they're never at home.

Seeking therapy.

Aunties, Uncles, Grannies, Grandpas & Cousins

Who? All have been disowned after calling Lanimers "Lanark Gala Day". The Fools.