The Royal Burgh of Lanark Crest
Lanark Lanimers - One of Scotland's Oldest Traditions Lanimer Mascot - Larry Lanimer Mascot - Bonnie

An ancient celebration held within the Royal Burgh of Lanark on the Thursday between the Sixth and Twelfth days of June annually since the year 1140.

Oor Wullie's Start To Lanimer Day

Thursday 4.45am

The alarm goes off. 'Ach jings, its time fur skool again." - an" then ah remember, ' Its Lanimer mornin'........ Nae skool, ya beezer.' Me an' ma pals are on the Crazy Gang lorry this year, so I'm oot o" ma bed like a shot!


Soapy Souter an" paw arrive tae pick me up, so we decide tae play "chappie" on the road tae the lorry. Aboot twenty hooses are aboot tae get early morning alarm calls that they weren't expecting.


We arrive at the lorry and meet up wi the rest o" the gang. Prannie Pond is filled wi" water an" then stocked up wi" a couple o" big trout just oot o" Soapie"s freezer that he guddled at Newmills Trout farm the week before. "Braw ! They'll defrost in nae time." Now we're on the move tae Hospitland Drive.


"Jings, crivvens, Help ma Boab!" Would you believe it. There must be a jinx on Danny McGuiness" lorry - we"ll need tae speak tae him about this! Every year the lorry breaks doon at exactly the same spot.......... Jist outside the Wallace Cave. It must have overheated! We'll need tae leave it tae cool doon fur an hour a n" a half. Whit a scunner.


We seek sanctuary from the elements inside the ' The Cave' Gillian bars us saying that we're far too young tae go intae pubs. PC. Murdoch is there and points to the Lanimer Week Further Powers Act 1960. Fat Boab says, 'Is that the same as the Wee Tich no" buyin" a drink on Lanimer Day Act ?'


Irene arrives wi' full breakfasts for the gang. 'Whit, nae porridge?' Fat Boab disnae get a cooked breakfast cos he's oan a diet, salad rolls for him. Wee Eck is moaning already cos he wanted Frosties.


Primrose Paterson arrives-  she fancies me an takes a maddie when she sees me sittin' talking' tae ma other girl friend Jean Hamilton fae the Castlegate. (She's noo flitted tae Wallace Court Mansions)


Nane o the boys like the mushrooms an' leave them oan their plates. Me thinks that this will make great ammunishun fur ma cattie. I get some target practice in by seeing if I can hit the Brandy, Vodka and a bottle o' Bell's. Gillian goes bananas cos the new mirror behind the optics is covered in grease. PC. Murdoch puts ma name in his wee black book.


Ah soon get ma ain back! A Sergeant and his brand new, jist oot o' the wrapper WPC are passing the door. 'Excuse me sergeant, you better get in there quick. One o" your constables is sitting in the pub enjoying a smoke and a refreshment!' The probationer is dispatched to check, just in case. She clocks Murdoch in the corner, tunic unbuttoned, cap tilted back, fag in hand, throwing a large gin down his neck. The pub erupts with laughter as P.C.Shiney Buttons makes a big exit wi' a big riddie !


Time for some moving target practice wi' oor catties. The mushrooms have gone so we raid Toni's chippie for pickled eggs and pickled onions. Buses are easy meat, so we change tactics an' look for folk wi' hats on (wish Lorraine Swan would walk past)


Time to leave. We thank oor host and say 'We've had a great time. Do you mind if we take a few pictures to remind us of oor morning here?' 'Certainly, carry on.' is the reply. We're up on the seats like lightening, taking all the pictures off the walls and and oot the door. Murdoch gets his book oot again and Gillian breathes a sigh of relief as we pile on oor bogey to join the other lorries at the top of the town. My, whit a start tae Lanimer Day !

Footnote: Prior to Lanimer Day it was decided that our charity collection, which took place during the procession, would be donated to Cancer Research. With the organisation of Eric Rastall, and the help of our collection girls Natasha, Gillian, Claire and Cassie , an amazing 1230 was raised. This was handed over to Eric at the reception on the Thursday night. Our thanks go to these people, and to all who donated during the procession.

" Jings, crivens and help ma Boab, we even won First Prize in the Humerous Section. That was one for you Tom ! "

Signed: "Oor Wullie"

PS. Every town has it's 'village idiot.' Unfortunately Lanark has several, more commonly known as the Crazy Gang. Join us this year on Lanimer Day to find out that it really is fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.! !